Honestly, Why Must We Ask This?

When I graduated, I was gifted with a book titled The World According to Mister Rogers by my French teacher. I've flipped through it a few times. It's just a collection of small quotes that are both insightful and profound. Today I found the following quote:

"The greatest gift you can ever give is your honest self."

Honesty has always been important. We don't often look of it as our "gift" to be honest to those around us, we just look at it as an obligation. Honesty is the best policy, right? This is where it gets tricky. We want honesty. We crave it. We love nothing more than to know exactly how people feel, how things work, and the way things are going to be. Yet, we have this phrase:

Honestly?

I don't know about you, but I say this all the time. I have a very brash honesty about me, so "honestly?" just comes out naturally. I'm never sure if people actually want to hear what I have to say. In our culture there's this huge importance placed on tact. If you're not being tactful people think you're mean. Our honesty is forcibly veiled with a thin coat of bull crap.

"Do these jeans make my hips look big?"

"Yes, but you have big hips, and that's okay!"
"No no! They don't make your hips look big, I just think the other pair is much more slimming."

Is it wrong to tell people we care about how we really feel? Think about this. Your friends and family should love you for who you are. They should love you for your honesty, no matter how tactful it is. When we pull out this "honestly?" phrase, it's almost as if we're saving our skin before we give our opinion. When I hear that phrase, I immediately know that it's not going to be what I want to hear. We ask others for their honesty, but they still feel the need to ask if that's really what we want.

"I want your honest opinion on these earrings."
"Honestly?"
"Honestly"
"They're ugly."

THAT is an honest opinion. While something like, "I think the other ones are cuter," is still honest, you're not talking about the earrings. You're directing to something more positive. There's nothing wrong with positivity. There is something wrong with positivity when we use it to cloud our true feelings. Honesty goes in hand-in-hand with opinions, and opinions can be negative. I find the need to apologize for blunt honesty slightly hypocritical. We can be honest! Just not too honest....

Besides my family, there are three people in this world that understand the importance of honesty: good or bad. I know I'll never have to ask the "honestly?" question, and I hope they know they'll never have to ask me. They give me that great gift that Mr. Rogers was talking about; they give me their honest selves. To Jim, Stephen E., and Michael S.: thank you for giving me your honesty and never making me apologize for mine. There's nothing more I would ever want. The level of respect I have for you is unprecedented, and that's why I care so much for you three. (I care a little more for Jim, sorry guys!)

Give your honest self. The people who accept it are the ones you want to stick around. If someone doesn't accept it, then it's time to move on. Collectively we need to stop having to prepare people for our honesty when it is asked for. Don't push it upon people, but if it is requested then give it. It shows character. It takes courage. More importantly, you owe it to those you love.

Honestly? I don't know why we have to ask.