The 8 Things I Learned from the Evil Dead Reboot.

Evil Dead (2013) was brutal. There's no other words for it. It's literally one of the most metal things I've ever seen.

 

Besides, of course, this.

Since lots of people aren't into the horror genre (and I don't blame you) I thought I'd compile a list of totally useful facts and hints for life. What kind of person would I be if I didn't share? If you ever find yourself in a creepy cabin in the woods with pure evil after you, you will be thanking me.

Rule #1: Detox in the woods with your friend/sibling is never a good idea - Seriously. Just don't do it. People get nervous enough in nature. Medical care is not easily accessed.  There's no need to add someone who is coming off of drugs into the mix. You are already setting your "weekend getaway to the woods" up for failure.

Rule #2: When you find a disturbing, cult-like set-up in the basement, just walk away - It's extremely simple. You go back up the steps, get back into your car, and go. There are plenty of other cabins that you can rent in this world. It's not worth the money you are saving to stay in your family cabin. It's just not.

Rule #3: Barbed wire is meant to do one thing: keep people out - I'm not a genius. However, common sense would tell me that if something is wrapped in garbage bags and then bound in barbed wire, maybe we don't touch whatever it is. Maybe we just leave it where we found it.

Rule #4: Choose your reading material carefully - If you stumble upon a book that appears to be made out of any material other than normal paper and binding, you may be intrigued. You may be perplexed. You will undoubtedly be curious. If you're so inclined to pop that book open, just read silently to yourself BEFORE you read aloud. Especially when your book specifically instructs you not to speak anything out loud. 

Rule #5: People in detox don't look great...but they don't look like the Linda Blair in The Exorcist - Should you assume that your loved one's eyes changing color is "just a symptom", there may be no hope. One also wouldn't get a blackened mouth, start talking in a completely different voice, or withstand copious amounts of sedative.

Rule #6: Duct Tape should be in your First Aid kit - When they say you can use the ultra-sticky tape for anything, they mean it. It is not only useful for fixing leaky sinks, making prom dresses, decoration, and packing boxes; it can also be used for stab wounds and amputated limbs. Works like a charm, although it doesn't seem to stop possession. Consider yourself warned.

Rule #7: Pat your pockets before you leave - You know how you always pat your pockets to make sure you have everything you need to leave? Yeah, that's an important step in all aspects of life. Because you need to leave. Now. Don't leave your car keys in the creepy cabin. Pat your pockets; it'll save your life.

Rule #8: Ride an adrenaline wave as long as you can - Your body produces adrenaline for a reason. You need the push. So what if you were just possessed, are missing an appendage, and are losing an extreme amount of blood? You keep that adrenaline flowing, pick up your chainsaw, and do some damage.

I hope this helps. I couldn't believe that this movie produced so much important information for one's daily life. In all seriousness, I really enjoyed the movie. It won't be everyone's cup of tea. It's not the original. It was, however, still a fantastic horror movie in all respects.

Oh, and when in doubt, always remember the Zombieland classics: cardio, double tap, beware of bathrooms, and always wear your seat belt.

Couch to 5k progress...

There are two things I despise in this world: running and wind. Somehow, my sister talked me into starting up the Couch to 5k program. It's basically a work out program designed to turn you from a couch potato to someone who is capable of running 5k...just as it sounds.

It didn't seem so bad. Really. I signed up for the Run or Dye 5k in Fargo with a thought something along the lines of, "well, if I can't RUN it, I can at least walk it. No biggie." Not to mention you get colored powder thrown at you during the run. That way, you can be sweaty and colorful at the end. I feel as though "sweaty and colorful" is another way to describe the guy who has to walk around in the Big Bird costume.

I want so badly to say I'm enjoying this program. I want to say that it's incredibly easy. I would most likely be much closer to saying those things if it wasn't for the other thing in this world I despise: wind. That's right. Welcome to Hallock, where there's literally nothing to block the wind. On top of that, it's been insanely cold up here! Nothing like an 8mph wind on a 25 degree morning to make you stop and think, "wow, potato chips never make me feel this awful," or, "maybe the couple of beers I had last night were a bad idea."

I promise to give more updates on this Couch to 5k business. We're supposed to get up to 40 degrees before Wednesday, which is when we have some more lovely snow showers being predicted. Is anyone else ready for spring yet?

St. Baldrick's Day 2014

A few years ago, I heard about one of my friends participating in this event called St. Baldrick's Day. He was raising money for childhood cancer research. In return for everyone's efforts, and in solidarity of those precious little faces, he would shave his head. I thought it was by far the most impressive fundraising technique I'd ever witnessed.

Naturally this burned in my brain. During my time in cosmetology school, I had tried to start an event for this. Sadly, it never got off the ground. I pushed the thoughts down into the "think about it later" section of my brain as my life moved on. I got busy, my jobs changed a couple times, and I had almost forgotten completely about something that had compelled me so intensely a year ago. It wasn't until this year that the desire came back. Scrolling down my Facebook feed, I saw that familiar logo draped across one of my husband's friends in the form of a cutting cape. Suddenly, I just HAD to do it.

I toyed with this idea for a few weeks. I asked my youth if any of them would be willing to participate. I was met with the same response I found in cosmetology school, "are you crazy? That's your HAIR. You'll be BALD!" Immediately I get defensive. Yes, it's hair. Yes, I'll be bald. There are two important things to remember here. One: my hair grows back, and it grows back pretty quick. Two (and most importantly): what about those little girls? Those five-year-old girls and boys who don't get the opportunity to have hair. Hair is just as important to a five-year-old as it is to someone who is twenty-one.

The other night, I got online to sign up. I wanted to set my day to shave my head so that I could commit without backing out. I wanted time to raise money. However, I found out you can't sign up for 2014 online just yet. Now, I get to play the waiting game. That's what this post is all about. This post is my commitment to myself, and to everyone who ever reads this, that I will participate next year. I'll gladly start taking any donations, even if I'm not officially signed up yet. I'm so excited to do this for these kids. I just don't want to forget again.

March 17, 2014. I'll be waiting for it! If you'd like more information on the St. Baldrick's foundation, go to http://www.stbaldricks.org.

Duck Dynasty: The Family That Prays Together

When I first heard about the show Duck Dynasty, I was mortified. Most of the people trying to outline the premise show produced something similar; it's a show about a redneck family who makes duck calls. My typical response to most "reality TV" lately (in the wake of Real Housewives and Honey Boo Boo) has been something along the lines of, "they are really making money off of this? People really want to watch that??"

I was less than excited the first night my husband, along with my parents, talked me into watching Duck Dynasty. Was there really nothing better on? That's when it happened. The more I watched this show, the more I realized that THIS is what "reality TV" should be. Yes, there's lots of redneck hilarity. Yes, sometimes I have no idea what they are saying. However through all of the silliness, Dynasty has a lot to teach.

First of all, no matter how dumb these guys may seem to be sometimes, they are business men. They've made a pretty penny on their products. Secondly, these are family men. Some of their ideas are just extremely off-the-wall (lawnmower races), some are borderline genius (teaching your daughter to drive out in the woods), and some are just insanely sweet (Si letting his granddaughters paint his nails, and building them a "playhouse"). They teach their family responsibility. They teach their family respect. The really impressive bit comes at the end of each episode. The family sits down together and prays before their meal. They pray for each other; they pray for others around them.

The Robertson family may not live like the rest of us, but they certainly act just like any family. They have their tiffs and ignore each other. The parents and grandparents embarrass the kids when they are going on a date. The brothers get into trouble and the wives just shake their heads. That is what makes this show so powerful. They have strong family values, and at the end of the day they love the little flaws in the people around them. That's the power of family, and that's the power of prayer.

It doesn't matter what you believe in, or how you choose to reflect that in your lives. My husband and I almost never prayed before our supper. Now that it's become a ritual in the house, he's usually the first one to remind me that we forgot to pray before we ate. It surprised me the first time he pointed it out. I welcomed it though, because it was a connection he had begun to value. It was something "our family" was going to be doing.

Value your family. They may be crazy and drive you up a wall. They're all you're given. You may not even have a family that prays together. But a family that celebrates each other? Congratulates each other on their wins, and mourns their losses? A family that chooses to love and bless each other; now that is something to value.

Welcome to My Wonderful World.

Growing up with parents from Northwest Minnesota, you hear some interesting phrases. After moving from Kentucky to Northwest Minnesota, you hear them even more frequently. One of these phrases has lovingly taken it's place in my heart for it's laid-back diversity. Welcome to this blog, "Oh, I 'Spose."

This blog is dedicated to all my "'sposes" in life. 'Spose I should talk about this. 'Spose I should comment on that. 'Spose I should start a blog, because that's what everyone keeps asking for.

 'Spose I should explain what a 'spose is. It's just the shortened version of "suppose". The most common place I heard this growing up was the ever terrifying "twenty minute 'spose". The ruling behind this (my parents lovingly explained) was that once you said "Oh, I 'spose..." when you were about to leave somewhere, you were then bought twenty extra minutes at that place. "Well Grandma, 'spose I should be going now!" BAM. Twenty more minutes of cookies and juice. I guess I should add that you can only 'spose like that 3 times, because after an hour you've just extended your welcome. Okay, maybe not at Grandma's, but you get my point.


So here we are. A twenty-one year old youth minister and her infinite 'sposing.